Encouragement Vs. Criticism

As I sat researching about behavior issues of toddlers it hit me, my baby is actually a tiny person. I know you always think about them that way but to actually act and respect them as little persons is something at least I wasn't doing.The more I read the more I became conscious of the fact that I better mind my words and my attitude in front of her.I went in to this blog thinking how I'll write that kids need more criticism than the ridiculous encouragement band-wagon everyone is getting on. But guess what the first thing I come across is, a poem by Dorothy Law Nolte, a few lines in respect to this blog are:

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence

That made me instantly realize that's how I am, I am a person who condemns since I come from a place where criticism is the integral part of your upbringing. Confidence I lack and the reason is apparent. I apparently have to change a very basic and engraved part of my personality in order to give my kids the confidence I desperately want them to have.

Encouragement is easy coming but criticism and by that I mean constructive criticism or behavior-correcting stances that you have to take are tricky business. First of all if a kid breaks something or does something wrong, we have to stop our reflex action. Kids get in to trouble at least 50 times a day and if every single time I get frustrated, say demeaning words and criticize her for her actions it will be devastating for her personality. Now I know I have to stop, calm myself down, gather my thoughts and make an act-consequence routine.

I think I related criticism with rejection. But I realized one had nothing to do with the other. My point is to teach kids what rejection is and how to deal with it. It is an integral part of growing up and I want my kids to know how to accept and deal with it without getting depressed. 

Encouragement however, I realized the more the merrier. Like us adults, if someone says something nice and if we get appreciated even for the smallest thing, it stays in our heads for the longest time and makes up happy happy happy. 

So everybody out there great job and well done for all the good work done. Keep it up.